Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
