he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
this just has baby written all over it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
