you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
People in love make me want to vomit
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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