Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
