you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
