If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
