She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
