Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
