My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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