dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
