I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
