FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
