I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
