The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
