First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
