I need help removing her.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
