the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
