we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
