what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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