its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can't put those talents on a resume
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
