It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if only i could text you this smell
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
