everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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