Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I didn't shave. On purpose
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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