Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
