I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
