I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
