She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
