Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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