im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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