plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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