We got so high we made milksteak
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
