Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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