mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
