So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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