I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
