I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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