I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
๐๐๐ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
yes thatโs a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. Iโve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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