Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
