Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
