You smell like a Billy Joel song
Quick, to the slutcave!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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