And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
