You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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