Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
