You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
