'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
