Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
