Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
