i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
