Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
