If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize