I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
