Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
