Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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