life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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