i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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