Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
