Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
