lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
