your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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