So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
