i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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