why didn't you poke me back
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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