i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize