i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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