went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
