1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
