he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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