so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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