im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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