I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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