I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
