He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think your dad took our porno
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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