I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
