I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he was CRYING into my vagina
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
