Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
