i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
