i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
