I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize