Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
sex in a hospital.. check
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
