Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
