So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
