Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
