They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize