I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
