Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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