woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
