We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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