i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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