How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize