No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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