I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
