My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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