my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
