put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish you could order shots online.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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