you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
